My Vacation From the "Shoulds"

I'm on vacation, and I'm having a wonderful time. It's a paradise. Beautiful room, white sand beach, gorgeous view. 

And yet, I find myself having a difficult time relaxing entirely. I'm relaxing, but not completely relaxed. I find that I am suffering from a case of the "Shoulds".

Here are a list of my "Shoulds":

- I really need to take advantage of my time here!

- I should make a drawing or painting everyday.

- I should keep posting and staying engaged on social media.

- I should NOT post, and disengage completely.

- I should go I to a deep state of contemplation so I can start developing concepts and imagery for my next body of work.

- I should start collecting words and images for my next body of work.

- I should do paintings of the coastline so I can include coastal scenes in my next body of work.

- Furthermore, I should barely eat anything, so I will still feel okay in my bathing suit.

- I should drink less/more.

- I should swim in the ocean. 

- I should go for a hike/sample authentic local cuisine/learn to paddleboard...

Get the idea? So much to ponder and worry about.

I heard a while back that the word "should" can be very toxic. It is a good exercise to replace it with the word "want" and see what happens.

Actually, I have done a number of my "Shoulds", because they seemed like fun at the time.

But what have I done mostly? 

Mostly, I have gone on a deep dive into some really nerdy books on archeology. 

Yes, archeology is my way to relax. 

- I have two magazine subscriptions (World Archeology and The American Institute of Archeology Magazine).

- I am a fan of Patrick Wyman's podcast, Tides of History

- I watch archeology themed shows on TV and YouTube incessantly. (My favorite, which is not exactly about archeology, is Mysteries of the Abandoned on Discovery) 

So I'm on a geek-fest, learning about how the Proto-Indo-European language, a theoretical language that became extinct around 2500 BCE, was the root from which most of the languages spoken in the world today evolved from. 

What can I say? It's what I want to do.

A bibliography of my vacation:

Three Stones Make a Wall, by Eric H. Cline

The Horse, the Wheel, and Language, by David W. Anthony

Tales of Valhalla, by Martin and Hannah Whittock 

Beowulf, translation by Seamus Heaney

The Dig, by John Preston

The Poky Little Puppy

This little book was a staple in my house, as it was in many peoples’ houses. It was a book that was used to gently, or not so gently tease me when I was small. 

 I was a very poky little puppy. 

It was an affectionate and perhaps slightly desperate attempt to get me to look up, to focus, to walk faster, and stop dawdling! The rest of my family seemed to be endlessly charging ahead, onto the next, and the next, and the next activity. 

Later in life, about 40 years of age, I was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder, Inattentive Type. Much of my middle age has been spent trying to manage my errant mind with new found understanding, and to making up for time lost drifting through my almost rudderless young adulthood. 

Frustrating, yes, but ADD is closely associated with having a creative mind. No one really knows why. I think it is because all that wandering brings one to unexpected shores and vistas. I heard it once described this way; if one doesn’t think linearly, (marching forward along a path), then one tends to think laterally, that is, back and forth and side to side. 

A curious feature in many folks with ADD is called “hyper-focus”. This is when my normally wandering mind suddenly gets into gear, and I become completely engrossed in one activity for long periods of time. This is what happens when I make art. 

I have come to recognize that I am a slow, deliberate artist. Each new attempt takes a long process of conceiving, sketching, drawing, transferring, painting, maybe collaging. When I am “done” with a piece, I will set it aside for weeks, months, and peer at it as it sits in the corner of my studio. I glance at it over the rim of my coffee cup, send it sidelong glances as I work with another piece. Then, often, it hits me. “It needs this…”

I will go back into the painting, and it will transform, like a make-over or a mid-life crisis. It will deepen and mature. Having that time to let it hibernate and incubate will often make a good piece into a great one. 

So it goes to show that life isn’t always about the next thing, and the next, and the next. Sometimes we need to stop and smell the strawberries. 

One such slow transformation unspooled during the creation of Exit, one of my latest pieces of art. You can read about the creation of this painting here, in The Saga of Exit.

New Year's Evolutions 2020

So, the earth has orbited another graceful ellipse around our sun, and once again I take this time to take stock of the year that was, and set intentions for the year to come.

But of course, this year has been like no other. It will go down in history as one of the craziest, horriblest, nastiest no-good rotten years. 

ornament by www.plumdandy.org

We have all lost something this year; loved ones, income, opportunities, travel plans, the simple joy of congregating, or the privilege of having faith in our institutions and compatriots.

Through this difficult time, I have made a practice of counting my blessings each day. Sure, my art career took a hit. But I have plenty, I am surrounded by loving family and friends, I am safe and healthy. I am indeed one of the lucky ones. For this I am grateful. 

The Year of the Pivot

Boy howdy, we all had to pivot, and my artistic path was no exception. For some time now, I've been cruising along, avoiding change. Then Covid hit and I was forced into it. Here is the list of all the new things I did this year:

1. I invested in an art business class by Alyson Stanfield at www.artbizsuccess.com Through working with her I have rebranded my website, had more fun with the language I use when talking about my work, upped my social media use, and, as you may have noticed, wrote more blogposts!

2. I taught myself a whole new medium, printmaking. Again, as the economy has contracted, my hope is to have a wider array of price points to appeal to a larger audience.

3. I have set up my first online store so I can sell some of my work directly to you.

4. I had a major exhibition “Story Without a Plot” at RiverSea Gallery. Along with the regular preparations for a show, I took a crash course in online communications, producing a live video recording of the opening and an online artist talk. These videos are preserved on my blog here.

5. In response to Black Lives Matter, I made a commitment with a few friends to learn more about racism, and how I unwittingly contribute to white supremacy by my own lack of understanding. As you can imagine, this work has been unpleasant and difficult, but I am so glad I have the opportunity to learn and to hopefully be part of the solution in my own small way.

Perseverance

If there is anything my new-found middle-aged wisdom has taught me, it is that without perseverance success is impossible. I have committed time, money and effort into my career with no immediate results. However I've got the feeling I am headed in the right direction, and I am truly excited by what lies ahead!

I would like to thank all of you out there who have supported me over the years, and I dearly hope that my efforts have brought at least a weensy bit of levity and inspiration to you.

I am sending you all warm thoughts and hopes of good luck and a Happier New Year.


PS. Alyson sent along a wonderful article by Rosie Spinks: 2020 Will Never End Unless You Grieve It. It helped me have more awareness about the collective emotions we have about the year that has been. I hope it does the same for you. Love to you and yours.